This is how it happens

This is how it happens.

How a girl that is really a woman becomes a cliché. This is the day when everything stops making sense. This is the day her reality becomes her fantasy. It's not a good Fantasy. It's not a dreamscape. It's the dream where she watches herself become a cat lady, a cat lady with allergies to cats.

There is a thought, or maybe it's a saying. It's for sure something people say. And I hate it, but I guess it's true. One woman breaks a man in and another marries him. My problem with this saying is not the other woman but the thought that you have to break a person to spend a lifetime with her. Or to spend a lifetime with a person you have to be married.

Last night my ex told me he was getting married. Do not get me wrong here; this is key, and important.... I knew he and this girl were going to be together for as long as any marriage, i.e. a lifetime. The problem lies with him saying the word “married” and that he wants that. Here's this physically huge "anarchist” who will not vote, who refuses to receive head more than he gets it, and who straight up disliked my friends if they had "real jobs" telling me he was marrying his new girl.

How did I respond...?

"Wow, congratulations, I am shocked, next thing you know you'll be buying a Volvo..."

I start to laugh, and look into his eyes. He is not laughing. He's smiling but I can tell he has more to say.

"We have a Volvo."

So here we are in that time when everyone starts to change. It's been two years since he and I ended our three and half year relationship. They found a place to move to. This was our plan. He and I were saving money to travel the country looking for a home we could agree on. And when he took her on our plan six months after our break up, It was fine. When the place they ended up in was the city I had run away to, it was fine. When I found out they were living just minutes away from me. It was fine. Because while this was a man I loved more than any other two years ago. This was a man I knew was all wrong for me. This was a man who would not vote, who refused to receive head more than he gave it, who straight up hated my friends with real jobs. This was not a man I could marry, because he was against the institution of it. I also had thought I was against the institution of it. It's sexist, It's homophobic, It's just another way for the government to control our lives and receive money for it. We told our parents we were "life partners” and we were Okayed to sleep in the same bed.

Shortly after running away from him and the place that we lived, I realized this little girl inside my soul wanted a wedding and so I added it to the huge pile of reasons why our relationship was wrong from the start. It made me okay. His opposition to marriage was part of my healing process.


And I am still fine.

It’s been a day. A wasted emotionally coated day. A day in which I got nothing done, a day in which I cried too much. A day in which I found out who I could count on and a day in which I found there are very few people that are emotionally reliable. I am feeling better. I slept until noon, finished the cliché pint of ice cream I bought last night for breakfast and I am asking myself.

A person for life? Do you want a person for life?