walking watching working and waiting

“There’s a time for everything.
There’s still time.
There will be time for everything.
It’s all about what you make time for.”

All of these statements have come my way in the last week. Various friends have responded to my despondence with tacky phrases like those above. But they don’t understand, it’s not me I am talking to them about, it’s them I am talking to them about.

I still believe in each of those statements, and am trying to follow them down some swervey gouche roadway. They aren’t. My friends have moved into warrens with nameless partners to what? Have millions of bunnies?

That, I could respect. But that’s not what they are doing; they are falling off to watch TV for three hours a night and microwave diner because they feel they just don’t have the time. They will join gyms instead of walking running riding a bike or dancing.

It’s just that way.
Everyone has been trying to deny it. But my father was honest. He said,

“Everyone is going to settle in the next few years of your life: it’s just what happens.”

I told him those people my friends were the only goal I had, to be with those people to stay with them, to stay young with all of them. I never considered that they might decide instead to grow old.

Everyone is allowed to change. I am allowed to change. It would be okay if I woke up tomorrow and eloped and moved into a condo. It would be okay.

But I would judge me.

This is the part I have to get through. This is the hard part, watching everyone get comfortable and settling into a grove on his or her loveseat while I am still walking, watching working and waiting.